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Furries are cool
Rambling · Jun 29th, 2026
In the last post I've briefly mentioned that I explored my identity more deeply, due to previously suppressing it for the job. I guess this is my coming out as a furry. I don't know, I just think they are cute. In fact, I even went through a whole identity crisis about it, which was a lot of fun. So let's talk about it.
I guess my story started similar to most others. In my childhood, I was quite fond of animation and animals in media, and still am to this day. For a long time I was ashamed about it, fearing to share my interests with others. But to my dismay, it developped into a full blown fetish. How do the chronically online kids call this? I goon to boykisser.
Part of me opening up is also becomming more comfortable talking about sexuality. Thus I try not to be ashamed of admitting my fetishes. Suppression was just part of the daily job. I mean, my real job. Therefore, the situation was fine for a long long time. But once I got fired, things went kind of messy. Suppression did not seem to work anymore. And all kinds of feelings started to bubble up.
As studying proved to be more difficult than initially suspected, a new fear kicked in: I may fail an exam. I never put in much effort in school, neither in my bachelors, which my average grades reflect. But now that I care, and try, the thought of failing developped into an actual insecurity.
Multiple problems are colliding here. First, since I actively chose to study, failing would suggest that I chose incorrectly, and that I am not worthy to be a graphics programmer. Secondly, I don't have a financial income at the moment. While I do have savings, I don't have enough money for my entire studies. I am working on a solution, but failing an exam would mean that I need to attend additional semesters. This would make my studies take longer, stretching my already thin finances even thinner.
Additionally, my social life increased a lot. I met many new people, and I suspect my social circle will fluctuate over the coming years. What hit me like a bombshell though, was talking to more trans people. I consider myself an ally. This definitely isn't the first time I talked to trans people. I think I know the lingo and I try to be accepting.
But what struck me is the confidence in transitioning. Fascism is on the rise globally, and trans people are actively bullied and discriminated by the larger society. Choosing to transition anyway requires much bravery and a lot of force of will. I can only dream about this level of self confidence, and thus I must respect decisions like this.
Multiple times a week I meet many different people and we do homework together. And I do notice the steps they are taking to transition… but they don't directly tell me about it. I guess that is fair, since I also don't talk about my genitals. But for some illogical reason this still feels like betrayal. And now I tell myself that they think of me as an untrustworthy person. This stands in stark contrast to my deep respect I have of them.
Also I don't mention or talk about it, for the fear of making things about myself. In my mind this is my insecurity. Talking about it would improve things for me, maybe, but it would definitely make things awkward for them.
To recap. I began thinking that I chose incorrectly going to university, the furry feelings bubble up again, I met people, who compared to me don't have a stick up their arse, and I feel like they don't trust me. So, push comes to shove, cognitive dissonance, yadda yadda, and I was reaching a fucking breaking point.
One day, a friend randomly flashed me with "I am no furry, but Nick Wilde is my hear me out." This sentence shook me to my core. Something like this would've never come over my lips. You see, I was so afraid about my feelings, that I avoided any association with furries. I would've never said I'd be into furries. Nor would I have claimed that I hated them. So, someone directly telling me about furries really caught me off guard.
So, I told her about my feelings. I opened up, and to my relief, she did not mind. Like at all. It's fine. There is nothing to worry about it. People are weird and so am I. Most surprising of all, this reveal does not change any social relationships I am currently building. If anything, it makes things easier, because now I am not pretending anymore. And who knows, maybe I'll meet other furries?
I am not going out of my way and tell everyone about the furry thing. But if it comes up again, for one reason or another, I now feel comfortable talking about it. Opening up gave me a huge confidence boost, which other friends have picked up on already.
The main reason I post this publicly, is to hold myself accountable and to underline my newfound confidence. I still don't get the whole fursona thing. I mean, isn't this still pretending? But in any case, I am starting to believe that I am heading in the right direction: Getting deeper into graphics programming, progressing my engine and game, continuing with my studies. Actually meeting people again and having a more active social life.
My thoughts have cleared again, and I can say that I feel fine. Happy even. And things are okay the way they currently are.
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